Shut Up And Take It, You Wonderful Person You
So over on Fetlife, there was a fascinating discussion of “forced adoration” that went like this:
“Instead of a bottom being restrained and being humiliated and abused, why not try some forced adoration? Totally different type of experience: being restrained, while friends and members of the community take turns writing kind things, compliments, comments, affirmations, hopes, all over your body.”
A friend of mine, who is notably neurotic about accepting kindness, said “I think this would be a hard limit for me. I feel horrible just thinking about it happening to me.” Many others followed, saying that being forced to endure compliments and kindness would be unthinkable for them.
That made me sad, but it also made me think. How awful is it in our society that so many of feel guilty and sick about hearing the things people love about us? Learning to accept compliments is, I think, vital for happiness and health.
So I’m spontaneously declaring today National Accept-the-Niceness Day. Anyone posting in the comments of this entry may be complimented, for no reason whatsoever, by anyone who knows good things about them. Anyone posting in the comments of this entry are encouraged to say something wonderful about someone else, in the hopes that the subject of their niceness will see this.
And anyone complimented in these threads cannot deny the compliment. Today, here, you must own the fact that you have made someone happy enough that they feel the urge to gush about you. This is not them doing it out of obligation, for who the hell needs to post in a thread on some dude’s blog? This is not them being lured into an illusion of your wonderfulness – if you’re reading it, drop your impostor syndrome for a moment. Open yourself to the idea that what they’re happy about is actually real.
Anyone reading this is welcome to steal the idea for their own. And then post a variation on their blog.
Awesome! I love you, Ferrett! <3
Also, hashing out travel possibilities for October…and Matt is putting a M:tG deck together to play you. And there's an adorable toddler that comes as a side order to our trip. I hope you like cute with that!
I love you, Saraphina! You are so very awesome! I miss you and hope to see you soon! – Isabella
This one is for Gini, who treated me like an old friend at World Fantasy Con even though we had never met before or even chatted on the ‘Net. Being around you made me stop feeling nervous and out of place; that is a real gift, especially considering how long it usually takes for me to stop feeling self-conscious around a new acquaintance. You are really something special!
And you are more fun to talk to than you ever give yourself credit for. I wish we could hang more in person!
Ferrett, you try really, really hard to be genuinely earnest, perhaps even forthright, to the very depths, and I admire that about you.
Both because and beyond that, you, Ferrett, are a brave person.
And you are a wise man who considers things at what I’d consider to be a near-perfect level. When you agree with me, I feel I’m on the right track. When you disagree, I pause and reconsider.
*because OF
(grr)
*shudders* I blush furiously and sometimes cry if I get told good things about me. My preferred compliment is to be told that I’m evil for whatever particular fanfic chapter I’ve posted…
Let’s see. Ferret, I’m gonna steal this to share on my fb wall. You have encouraged me through random off the wall posts on days I’ve been in misery, and helped me consider that bees might be fun to have around – even though I would infinitely prefer to never be stung again! So, I’m stealing, and posting to the wall, because I like the idea of this, and have random other people (some who I just met this weekend) who need to be randomly bashed with happy thoughts.
Oh, this post had me giggling.
A couple of years ago I set myself the goal of complimenting everyone I met on my birthday, for three birthdays in a row. I was honest and careful in my comments, I didn’t want anyone thinking I was being sarcastic or mocking them in any way and I didn’t want to cross into The Creepy Zone. The responses I got were so very, very surprising. Some people grinned back, some blushed like crazy but every year without fail there were at least two people who got really uncomfortable and tried to get me to say I didn’t mean X or that I was sorry and took back comment Y.
We definitely need more days dedicated to looking for the good in everyone, if only so it seems less scary. 🙂
I responded to the original post (well both yours and the other) and was sort of on the ” not me side”. Not because I didn’t think it would be fun because it would. Yesterday was just a very bad day for me and anyone being nice would have reduced me to unconsolable tears. I do have trouble taking compliments but try to accept them AND more importantly believe them. It is an ongoing process. I can say to you that I love your writing. It is always good and never fails to give me plenty to think about and discuss with others.