The Consolation Challenge: Four Minutes Or Less, And Your Pizza's Free!

Congratulations go to David Steffen, whose flash fiction story got rejected by PodCastle in a blistering five minutes yesterday.  As David said, “I had not even finished updating the entry in my submissions spreadsheet  before it got rejected.”  The email confirms it: submission at 8:57 a.m., response at 9:02 a.m.
You know what that means: free pizza!
If you will recall my consolation challenge, I had promised to buy a consolation pizza for any author who got rejected more quickly than my previous record of twenty-nine minutes.  As David said, “What better way to wipe up my tears than with a delicious pizza?”  Here, you see David eating his pain, complete with manuscript, ham, black olives, and extra cheese.
I should note that in both cases, the rejection came from blisteringly fast rejectioneer Ann Leckie – so if you’re looking to maximize your hopes of a free pizza, submit to either PodCastle or Giganotosaurus, both of which are fine markets to be published in or to be rapidly ejected from.
In any case, the timer has been adjusted, and to win a pizza you must now be rejected in four minutes or under.  The rules are here.  Should you be rejected in four minutes or under, I will buy you pizza – a pizza that will take longer to arrive than your rejection did.
Best of luck, writers!