So How Is My May Depression?
Long-time readers will know: May is the time my Seasonal Affective Disorder usually creeps in. For a few weeks out of the year I’ll become a sniffling pile of self-hatred, sometimes skidding as far as self-harm, weeping and curling into a ball. This misery lasts for about three to six weeks, during which in lesser moments all of my suicide attempts have arrived, and when I emerge it’s a slow crawl.
This is where the sadness usually starts to tickle. And… it hasn’t yet. Which concerns me.
The thing is, if there’s any year when I might not have my usual SAD, this would be it. I’ve had major surgery in January, which my body is still recuperating from in some minor ways. I’ve changed my diet and exercise habits. And I’m on new medications, specifically a heavy dosage of Vitamin D in order to get my cholesterol and body chemistry back to proper levels.
So is it going to arrive? Maybe. I felt very sad on Saturday but then I ate a sandwich and realized my blood sugar was low, and everything went better. I’m feeling a little low now, but is that SAD or just a reluctance to charge ahead with a tedious work day?
No clue. Until then, I’m sort of waiting for the axe to fall – maybe it’ll show up late. (It used to arrive in June.) I’m on alert, trying to be careful about how I react, so I don’t take anything too much to heart.
But once a year, I usually have to endure a time of knives and anguish. That may or may not show up this year. In some ways, waiting for it to hit is nearly as bad as the depression itself, being tensed for a blow that may never arrive. On the other hand, I’m relatively content, and finishing up my novel.
A strange place to be.
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- My Annual Seasonal Affective Disorder Got… Weird | Ferrett Steinmetz - […] it last year – but, as I noted, I’d just had a triple bypass four months back. So as…
Of course, like everyone else I can’t do anything about that. You may find it pleasing, though, that as we get closer to the move, I more and more look forward to picking your brain when we aren’t just passing in the hotel bar.
This sounds like a wonderful idea to me. Can’t wait for you guys to get here.
Something to consider – Americans are chronically deficient in Vitamin D (the Sunshine Vitamin) due to our lack of LIVING out or doors. Getting a sudden dose (i.e. June/May yardwork, bees, etc) can often throw our bodies into the opposite of what it normally does. And what is one of the major effects of proper doses of Vit D? LEVEL MOODS!!
Suprisingly, Vit D is one of the many chemicals that works as a mood enhancer or mood stabilizer in humans, this is part of why the “fix” for normal SAD is Broad Spectrum Light Therapy. Given in metered doses from the ebbing of sunlight through the waxing sun, classic SAD sufferers find a moderation in their moods. For you, a non-typical SAD sufferer, you are now getting MASSIVE oral doses – from the darkest point of the year. So when you started being outdoors more and absorbing more sun, hence higher Vitamin D creation, you were’t slammed into reverse – simply living through early summer like the rest of us depressives!
I hope this holds true and you find that increased Vit D consumption throughout the year helps stave off all, or at least the worst, of your SAD!!!!
XOXOXOXOOXO