The Hypocrisy of "Not All Men"
There’s a lot of controversy these days over the dudes interrupting women’s complaints about guy behavior to interject, “Not All Men!” Which, you know, it’s true – not all men do these creepy-ass things, but so many men do it that all women are affected by it. Hence the rise of the much-needed #YesAllWomen hashtag.
And I have some sympathy for some of the dudes who interject, “Not all men!” because frankly, some significant percentage of these dudes are simply clueless and in need of some education. I know if someone made a comment about the stupid things that writers or polyamorous people do, I’d probably say “Not all of us!” reflexively, just because yeah, there’s a gut-feel to respond that way even if it utterly doesn’t fix the problem that those writers/polyamorous people/men are doing fucking awful things.
(Which is why the #YesAllWomen idea was brilliant, sparking just how our society’s permeated with anti-women problems. As a guy, I’ve never had to worry about being sexually assaulted once; I literally do not know of a woman I’ve been close to who hasn’t.)
But you know who pisses me off? The Men’s Rights Advocates who whine, “Not all men do that! How dare you assume we’re rapists or abusers?”
Dudes, you fucking say “All women do this” all the fucking time.
The women who say “I’m afraid of men,” well, most of them seem to grok that some percentage of men are okay, but enough of them are a danger that it’s hard to trust. (As has been noted on the Internet, “10% of these M&Ms are poisoned. Eat a handful. Tell me, ‘Not all M&Ms.'”)
But the MRA idiots I’ve run into talk about all women, and seem to mean it. All women just wanna use men. All women want a certain kind of man, the alpha male, with chiseled abs and money and the ability to lead a conversation. All women want to transform society into some emotional tear-zone where women’s rights are privileged merely by dint of their sheer womanhood.
They’re furious at women because all women require them to act in absurd and ridiculous ways to get laid, and my God they are so bitter at all women because all women did that to them.
Clueless guys, I can maybe excuse. But you? Shit, all you do is get on the Internet all day and go, “Women are this, women are that”… and then you have the balls to get annoyed when someone makes a generalization about men?
Christ, you have the least right to complain, given that your entire philosophy is a shitty generalization.
And you know, I’m kinda sympathetic that you can’t get a partner to cuddle – human companionship is a fundamental need of mankind, and if there’s a phrase I’d feel comfortable applying to “all people” it would be “people don’t like to feel alone.” I myself spent years locked in my room as a teenager, with no friends, seriously facing down a future where no woman would touch me ever, and I still have flashbacks to those days. So I understand that being lonely is a terrible thing that can leave deep scars, even if you’re lonely because you’re a complete and utter asshole.
But women? Are more likely to be killed by men than heart attacks. Abusive men are, quite literally, their number-one danger right through middle age.
And when I compare your “I’m lonely” or “I bought her an iPhone and she didn’t even sleep with me” to their “I got raped and murdered,” I kiiiiinda have to prioritize their needs over yours, you know? Especially when you can actually be less lonely by giving up your expectation that women are some sort of slot machine where you keep putting in affection until the pussy spills out, and she has no realistic way of avoiding dudes creeping on her except maybe by living as a hermit in the woods.
So yeah. Maybe it’s not all men. But those men who do affect about as close to “all women” as you can get. And of all the people who get to bitch about generalizations, you will not be one of them, Mister MRA, until you back off mainlining that outrage about what “all women” do.
“As a guy, I’ve never had to worry about being sexually assaulted once”… Only because, as a man, you don’t think that it can happen to you. You are “generalizing”. I am also a man and it has happened to me twice in my lifetime; once as a child at the hands of a family member, and again when I was older. It is the sole reason that I carry a weapon at all times now. You may not realize it, but you seem to be one of the very people you are complaining about. I believe that is the entire problem…”You may not realize it.” Some of these sickos don’t realize that their actions are inappropriate. Many people have preconceived notions on what they THINK is right or wrong. Because of this, when a girl is groped or sexually assaulted in public you will hear people say stupid things like “boys will be boys”. When a woman is raped you hear insanity like “Look at how she is dressed; she practically asked for it.” Why would someone think that dressing a certain way is a free pass to commit a crime? Because of generalizations, stereotypes, and preconceived notions. Personally, I could care less if women say that all men are rapists. I know that isn’t true, and I know that I’m not a rapist. In summation, I guess I’m saying that you should come down off of your high horse because you sound like the very people you are raging against. If people would just treat people as people, we wouldn’t have these problems. But people want to treat others as male, or female, or black, or white, or this or that. I just want to be treated as a human.
First off, I’m sorry that happened to you. But you’re wrong.
My argument was not, “No man has ever had to worry about being raped,” but rather, “Many men I know of have never worried about rape, but I don’t know of a single woman I’m close to who’s had that privilege.” And to conflate that “Not all men/Yes all women” with the supposed rebuttal of, “Well, I was raped, so that’s not true!” completely misses the point.
You could use the m&m metaphor to promote racism as well. Metaphors are fun!!
“Companionship is a fundamental need of MANkind…”
One word and it hits so many points. Very nice.
I can’t describe a man’s experience, but along with “The Talk” every girl gets there’s also talks (starting around age 12 OR EVEN YOUNGER ) about “watch your drink if you go to a party” “be careful when you are older not to drink so much that you aren’t aware of your surroundings.” “Don’t let some guy separate you from your friends and get you alone…” etc.
The vast majority of us might not experience rape directly (1-6 is the stat floating around the internet, higher for minority women due to expectations of “submissive” or “sex crazed” …)
But things like harassment, assault (that pinch on the waitresses ass…that’s an assault!) groping, stalking, threats (some very scary ones), insults… just for telling a male party “no”, disagreeing (even not about sex or a come on), expressing personal autonomy, or just being a female being in the world.
Some of this starts at scarily young ages, grade school. where the harassment, mockery, groping etc gets blown off as a non-concern and we’re taught that “boys will be boys” and we just need to expect it, and ignore it… or work to avoid it… because SOMEHOW anything unwanted that the boys do to us, in the classroom or the school yard is OUR Fault.
I didn’t hear of “date rape” as being “actual assault” til lthe 80s when I went off to college, where it was suddenly a topic…though ALL the discussion seemed to be among the young women and again… “How to avoid Date Rape” again…all the responsibility for the possible bad behavior of any male we’d have an issue with, was on US.
When someone WAS raped, at a party, on a date, etc… the response from law enforcement, the school and worse OUR FRIENDS was to blame us. “What were you wearing?” “Why did you even GO to that party?” “How much were you drinking….” Pretty soon we learned it’s not worth the bother of filing a complaint, because it’s “Not a big deal” to anyone but you…
This shouldn’t happen to ANYONE, but that women are trained to 1) expect this attitude & 2) blame themselves for not avoiding, or stopping it…
I’d like to add that, when a woman leaves her husband and children, it is always “she’s horrible and selfish, etc.” However, when a man leaves his wife and kids, it’s still the wife’s fault for “choosing a bad man.” REALLY? If a woman is at fault for abandonment, so is a man.
I’ve frequented MRA sites, and it’s true: they generalize women CONSTANTLY. “Women aren’t good in the workplace” or “all women want rich men” or “all women require money to date.” Maybe–just maybe–you’re doing what you accuse women of doing: CHOOSING THE WRONG MATE.
And you can’t go on any of the forums without at least half the threads being about people “scoring” 4/10, or something of that nature on a physical appearance scale. Maybe if you stopped being such a superficial douchebag that actually uses such a scale, you would find a relationship of real depth.