So Harper Lee Is Probably Old And Doesn't Want Her Book Released
So Harper Lee has a new book coming out – one she wrote way back in the 1950s. The book she actually wrote before “To Kill A Mockingbird.”
And they’re probably publishing it because Harper Lee is a) so infamously reclusive that “We didn’t ask her” is actually something we’ve come to expect of Harper Lee-related topics, and b) so old and out-of-it that people can easily take advantage of her.
I’m sort of appalled, sort of not. This is, of course, colored by the fact that I want to read it.
But Lee’s famous reclusivity doesn’t seem to stem from fear of the quality of the novel – rather, that she hated the PR and intrusions that came from the novel. Her name isn’t even Harper Lee – she just didn’t want anyone to mispronounce her name. And she really hated dealing with the damned press.
So for me, this is a fucking hideous and soulless land grab – kind of like the way the Dr. Seuss estate started selling movie rights the instant that the good Doctor died. It’s just that in this rare and bizarre set of circumstances, they didn’t have the good grace to wait for Ms. Lee to pass on so they could start looting the body.
But I dunno. I suspect Ms. Lee is sufficiently in her dotage that she won’t get what she feared. She’ll need to give no interviews, and she may not even be aware of what’s happening. The most hideous thing about senility is that, in a way, it’s like being dead – I’ve watched too many relatives quietly slip away from this world long before they left it – and if what Harper feared most about her second novel was dealing with the embarrassment of having her personal life probed and dissected, well, she’ll be hauled into the limelight again but I suspect she won’t be troubled by it. If she’s signing contracts like this out of some sort of befuddlement, chances are good she won’t be aware of the freshly-printed newspaper stories about her.
It’s distasteful. It’s wretched. And I loathe myself for still wanting to know what she wrote, even if I acknowledge it’s a lot like those nude Jennifer Lawrence pictures in that consent matters.
It’s not right. And I wish I was a good enough person to assure you that I’d never read this book, but alas, at this point, I cannot. I didn’t go look at J-Law, but on the other hand, man, Atticus Finch was vital to how I formed my morals.
Though I suspect Atticus would disapprove. That’s something I have months to struggle with.
"Should We Go Polyamorous?"
One of the emails I get over and over again is a variant on this one:
“My partner has just told me they’d like to see other people. Should we go polyamorous?”
And that question always carries the assumption that there’s one answer.
Look: polyamory is not for everybody. For a lot of people – and maybe even most people – monogamy is what’s going to maximize their happiness. There’s no “HEY YEAH GO POLY,” and anyone who tells you that everyone should be polyamorous is selling you something, Princess. (NOTE: they are most likely attempting to sell you on the vast benefits of their genitals.)
Should you guys go poly? I dunno. How are you at dealing with jealousy? Can you own your own insecurities? Can you communicate properly? Will you self-destruct if you have to spend a night alone, knowing they’re in someone else’s arms? Are you guys stable enough that it’s a good time to start experimenting?
(Don’t start poly as a last-ditch resort, man. I hear couples going, “Well, we fight so often that I almost stabbed him with a steak knife at the Sizzler last night – but having a baby will bring us together!” Maybe, but probably not, and if it doesn’t you’ve just made things a lot more complex. So it goes with polyamory.)
So the question is, “Was your relationship good enough that you should be staying regardless?” is the looming question that too few people ask when trying to fix their love life.
What’s your partner looking to get out of this polyamory? Are they hard-wired for the polyamory lifestyle – and if so, why hasn’t this been addressed before? Have you been walking around this massive elephant in your living room for months now, and only now are having to address it? (If so, “blithely ignoring the potential dealbreakers until they threaten to crush us” usually isn’t a great dynamic for a flexible, healthy relationships.) Is your partner wanting to sleep with one particular person? Do they want sex, or emotional relationships? Do they want to experiment for a time, or is this a hard-core surety that this is the way it must be? The question of “What is someone getting out of polyamory?” is one that a lot of people overlook, thinking that polyamory all stems from some universal and easily-parsed desire, and you can do great harm with the wrong assumptions.
Do you trust your partner? Do they love you, or are they just hoping to do the bare minimum of placation while they run out and get their rocks off? Do you trust them to care for you, even in the throes of NRE? Do they respect you, or are you making too many excuses for their bad behavior because you fear losing them? The question of “Is your partner someone worth handing the keys to your heart?” is one that every couple faces, and polyamory only exacerbates that.
And are you willing to watch this relationship crash and burn? Any time you make a major adjustment to a relationship – moving to a different state, moving in together, moving in with your family – you risk changing a comfortable dynamic. Is it worth losing everything you have now for something that might be nice but not vital? The question of “How much comfortable stability are we willing to gamble in the hopes of positive change?” is a muddy, ever-shifting question.
And what if this is a dealbreaker for them? Then the answer isn’t “Should I go polyamorous,” but rather “Should I stay with them, or try to see whether I can live with this thing they need?” That’s another separate question – and again, one that gets asked by lovers who’ve discovered their partners need more of a life outside of the house, have discovered their partners need more kink in their lives, their partners need to have less sex. The question of “How much suck is worth tolerating in this relationship?” is something that again, there’s no singular clear answer to that fits everyone.
Thing is, when this is all said and done, “Should we go poly?” is not just one question, but a hundred of them, and there’s no possible way I could give you an answer from a two-line email. Monogamy isn’t bad. Desiring polyamory isn’t bad.
What you gotta do is ask the right questions, and that starts with realizing that “Should we go poly?” is in fact the starter topic to a large discussion that’s only gonna be solved by you two, working together, honestly.
I wish you luck.
Meet A Weasel In Portland!
Seriously. How have you not heard that I have a book coming out? I promise, I’ll settle down once the last of the tour dates are up.
But for now, I’ll be in Portland on Saturday March 21st!
My entire impression of Portland is from a) my wife rhapsodizing about her youth in Eugene, which isn’t quite Portland but she made stops there, and b) Portlandia. Which is, depending on who I talk to, either complete balderdash or entirely accurate.
Regardless, I’ll be signing/speaking at In Other Words, a feminist bookstore, and I am totally psyched to be there. (There’s even a discussion group on the book’s feminist topics, which I confess fills me with a twinge of worry as to how well I executed the inverse tropes, but no matter. This is what it’s like to have a book. First world problems indeed.)
In any case, if you wanna stop by, it’s:
Saturday, March 21st: In Other Words, in Portland, Oregon
14 NE Killingsworth Street, Portland, OR 97211
4p.m. – 6p.m.
And in case you’re going “Aw, man, I wanted to hang out Ferrett!” and you live in New York, Boston, Seattle or – strangely – Cleveland – then remember these dates:
Friday, March 6th: Loganberry Books, in Cleveland
13015 Larchmere Blvd., Shaker Heights, Ohio 44120
7 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.
Friday, March 13th: WORD Bookstore Brooklyn
126 Franklin St, Brooklyn, NY 11222
7 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.
Saturday, March 14th: Annie’s Book Stop Of Worcester
65 James Street, Worcester MA 01603
5:00 p.m. – 7:00 p.m.
Friday, March 20th: University Book Store, in Seattle
4326 University Way NE Seattle WA 981105
7 p.m. – 8:30 p.m.